The Other "IQ": EQ

According to Dr. John Gottman, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is more important than IQ in determining someone’s success in life. The ability of someone to recognize and manage their emotions is crucial to their management of difficult conversations and the quality of their relationships with others. Being able to navigate tumultuous situations and maintain collaborative relationships is a direct result of your level of Emotional Intelligence.

How does a low EQ hinder in professional settings?

Those with low Emotional Intelligence have a hard time avoiding judgment and criticism and are likely to trigger defensiveness and resistance in the others. They tend to ruminate and dwell on the negative. They cannot recognize the build-up to aggression in themselves nor can they recognize defensiveness in another person. They are likely to barrel through a difficult conversation ignorant of the damage done to the relationship or the ineffectiveness of that approach.

People who have low EQ are also prone to emotional hijacking. They let their emotions take over their logic and reasoning. They can be easily diverted and derailed and resort to piling on issues. They may tend to have an aggressive response as their “first and favorite” option in a life-space violation situation.

For example, picture a working relationship where the person in the cubicle next door is snacking loudly, perhaps even it has continued over a long period. Someone with low Emotional Intelligence is likely to get worked up and angry over this. When they approach the other person, it is with aggression and they let their emotion, anger, dictate the words they choose. They become accusatory and ordering the other person to stop. They become defensive, the conversation goes nowhere, and both parties leave the conversation with a greater dislike of the other.

Emotions are contagious and people with low EQ are at higher risk of catching. They are unaware of their own emotions and lack the impulse control to manage them. In that same work situation, if the other person also has low Emotional Intelligence, an attack from their co-worker is likely to trigger an emotional response in them as well, generating the contagion effect. The contagion effect does not mean that the receiver catches the same emotion as the sender, but because emotions are energy, they are triggered into an uncontrolled emotional response that then takes them over. Two people with low EQ will find it incredibly difficult to listen, empathize and collaborate to establish a solution to their problem because they will be derailed and overtaken by their emotions and continue to send that energy back and forth.

How having a high EQ can help.

People with high Emotional Intelligence are aware enough to understand not only their own emotional situation but those of others. They know to manage emotions in themselves to limit a hijacked response. From the outset, people with high EQ set positive tones for conversations and use non-judgmental assertive language, not aggressive. People with high EQ are not likely to get derailed and diverted in a difficult conversation.

They also understand the types of conversation roadblocks that can lead to diversion and elicit emotional responses in others. They are also capable of diffusing an emotional hijacking event because they can remain calm in the face of strong emotional responses. They have control over their emotions and do not take other's emotional energy into themselves. They engage in listening to demonstrate attentiveness to further diffuse an emotional response. They communicate their understanding and validation of the other person’s experiences and concerns without feeding into their emotions.

High Emotional Intelligence is a crucial aspect in the management of roadblocks that derail and reduce the effectiveness of clear and concise communication. Having high self-awareness and perception of the emotions of others helps the sender of that message to stay on topic and avoid the contagion effect to move forward through a difficult conversation.

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