Meta-Messages and Social Exchange

Meta-messages and social exchange are aspects of relationship building that stem from the core concept of co-creation, the idea that relationships evolve from the inputs and reactions of both parties involved.

What are Meta-Messages?

Meta-messages are the underlying and implied meanings within the context of a relationship. They frame the way one person in a relationship views the other person. They can shape a person's opinion around trust, respect, care, liking, and power. In social exchange, the meta-messages that you send can shift the balance of power and reduce the value that the other person receives in exchange in the relationship.

Social exchange is the give-and-take in a relationship that leads to relational satisfaction. In social exchange dynamics, people tend to have a bias towards remembering the negative parts of a relationship. A person is more likely to remember something negative that you have said about them and it takes many more positive things to outweigh a negative in someone else’s mind.

How Can You Use Meta-Messaging to Combat Negativity Bias?

In the workplace, managers should take time to get to know their employees by routinely checking-in with them. This sends positive meta-messages about how much you like and care about your employees. You are demonstrating that your employee is worth time out of your day. Schedule them in advance to show that you respect your employee’s time as well.

These informal meetings also act as appropriate rewards in the form of quality time with the boss. You don't have to talk about projects, but should build a professional rapport around your employee's goals, needs, and ambitions. Choosing a one-on-one scenario can establish trust and a “me-we” connection between manager and employee which leads to more collaborative solution building, rather than pushback.

It is also important to limit interruptions and disruptions in the space. Frances Frei recommends putting away cell phones and limiting distractions around you. This builds empathy through eye contact and active listening, sending meta-messages about power, trust, and respect. Listening to and respecting your employees' needs fosters empathetic collaboration. While you may not be on equal footing, when you engage in conversation that is rooted in the needs of another person, you establish a fair and stable relationship that is satisfying to both parties.

Meta-messages are part of the package that parties weigh when evaluating the cost and rewards of a relationship, whether business or personal. When in a relationship, it is important to recognize and anticipate how your behavior could be interpreted. You need to preemptively address any negative meta-messages and shift to more productive approaches to problem-solving. More negative meta-messages than positive will destabilize an interpersonal relationship, which in turn can lead to more negative meta-messaging and poor collaborative performance.

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